State of the Black Hole Address Part 1

Hey there, folks. I’ve been quite busy and, well, how should I say, a little depressed about the way the Raiders finished the season. They just sorta fizzled out like an old bag of Pop-Rocks. Since the lackluster ending to a season that began with so much promise, I’ve just had a bad taste in my mouth for football in general. Fortunately I’ve been staying abreast of all the offseason happenings and I think I’m finally back in a place where I feel like sharing it all with you. So without further ado, here’s the lowdown:

Stanford Routt: GONE.

Thank God that happened. When I initially caught the news last year that we had signed him to a 3 year, $31.5 million contract I almost killed my children. What has that man ever done to deserve a contract like that? NOTHING. Which is exactly why his pass-interference prone ass just got traded to the Kansas City Chiefs. That man didn’t have a whole lot of penalties, but the ones he did have were so key I found myself wishing I was Marcellus Wallace in that infamous scene from Pulp Fiction. You know the one. It just seemed like a more comfortable place to be at the time. Now although I’m glad that this transpired, it does leave us in a bit of a precarious situation at the cornerback position. With Routt gone, that leaves us with Lito Sheppard, DeMarcus Van Dyke, and Chimdi Chekwa. Van Dyke showed us some real promise during the 2011 season. If he can stay healthy this year I think we’ll see him do some amazing things. Chekwa still has yet to prove himself. He shows promise but he needs a vet to show him the ropes, and Lito Sheppard is not that guy. Sheppard had some good moments last season but overall pretty much stunk. He was a good stop-gap, but don’t expect him back for 2012. Ol’ Reg’ and Dennis better get hot in the Free Agency on at least one CB.

Coaching Staff: This one is interesting. Just about everyone on the defensive side of the ball has come up from the college circuit. The overall feeling I get from the entire staff on both sides of the ball is one of youth, energy, and excitement. Excitement is exactly what this organization needs. There hasn’t been a reason for Oakland fans to get excited for quite some time, and the current changing of the guard brings fresh, eager young minds, hopefully ready to kick some ass. Check out the latest on the staff at my favorite Raiders blog: Thoughts From the Dark Side

Hue Jackson:

Maybe if Hue hadn’t been so concerned with the state of his fucking toenails then he could have focused the team a little better. Oh, and how’s that for karma? He makes “The greatest trade in all of football” and pisses away the next few seasons for us, then gets hired by the team he helped out by making the trade! According to the laws of karma something unfortunate is going to happen to that man…. wait, it already has. He’s been hired as a special teams ASSISTANT! HAHA. There’s a new bitch boy in Cincinnati, and his name is Hue. Maybe instead of a pedi he should go for the Brazilian wax. It just might help him get ahead over there.

State of the Black Hole Address Part 2 teaser: Do I smell a 3-4?
To be continued…


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